I miss academics, school, etc.

Teaching English has its advantages, and I certainly saw that this morning when I talked to my juniors about music. Normally, they're really quiet, but today exceptionally, they spoke up and entered into the discussion. It's great to see when the students are excited about speaking and interacting with me and with their fellow students, all in English.

Meanwhile, I'm missing university life, poetry readings, writing papers, and research. It's something I've enjoyed doing since high school. Sitting in class and listening to discussions have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Yet, with teaching, I feel more confident to speak in front of others, and I feel that when I go to graduate school, I will be more likely to interact with other students and with the professor during and outside of class. Before, I was self-conscious, shy, and didn't like much interaction, but I feel the Lord is giving me more confidence to express my feelings and thoughts. Perhaps, that's why I'm missing being in a university setting as a student. All these wonderful things I'm learning about expressing my thoughts could potentially carry over into a graduate program. So, I'm stuck... without a possible route to study at the moment. I feel somewhat lost as to what I should be reading and it's somewhat depressing. I have no real outlet to satisfy my intellectual passion at the moment. Yes, I have a library card and can go check out books. It's just that school always gave me a reason for doing things. College life was my organizing center, and now, it's just teaching English. I have tons of free time, and I wish I could be in a classroom at least part of the time.

At the very least, I'm thinking about graduate school, writing applications, etc., which gives me a sense of anticipation of what life will be like next year. It does give me some hope, something to look forward to. Don't get me wrong, though, France is great, and I am keeping busy. It's just the academic side of me feels in need, and that hopefully will be taken care of in the near future. A desire on my heart, and yet the Lord will meet my needs and quench my desires, in his timing.