On the eve of vacation

(1) An Update on the Future Plans:

As much as I would have loved to go to Middlebury this summer, it won't be happening again, at least, not at the French School. The director of the French School told me that my full funding for this summer will be slashed due to my new status as "non-degree." It's somewhat disappointing, since I wanted to go back to see many of the profs I've enjoyed working with.

On the other hand, it's actually not that disappointing. Last year, I remember being so tired and frustrated of the experience that I was ready to get out of Vermont as soon as it was over. I got tired of being around certain people in the program, and to be honest, I had a much better time the first time I was there. I think to do an MA there is long, tiring, and a little frustrating, because many people do the program in Paris and disappear after the first summer. There are many reasons to enjoy coming back, however. It's a summer graduate program that permits high school teachers or even university professors to come back and do it over the course of several summers. It's perfect for those people. For those who don't have a job in teaching, it proves more difficult. That's the position I'm in and it's part of the reasons why I chose to pursue a PhD in French from Brown.

This is not to say I don't like Middlebury as an experience. I would be happy to come back for another language like German or Russian. I will consider going back maybe even next summer for German as I need another language for Brown.

With a Middlebury-less summer, I will have some time to work (probably retail or in a restaurant) to earn money for Brown and have a little gap time between France and Brown to rest and get ready for grad school.

(2) School this week:

I've been showing my high schoolers episodes from "The Cosby Show." They love them and enjoy laughing at interesting universally recognized jokes. It was something easy for a week after testing. It also gave me permission to sit back and relax after 7 weeks straight of teaching and, did I mention, no long weekends, no snow days, no holidays.

The middle schoolers, on the other hand, have totally defied me when I tried to talk about Hollywood and movies. They almost went on strike, putting their heads down on the table. I was thinking "what on earth are you doing, totally walking out on my authority?!" (Didn't say it quite like that but I was on the verge of yelling in French telling them to listen to me.) It was so frustrating and stressful. Many of the teachers have commented on how bad the misbehavior has escalated this week on the eve of the vacation. What these little gamins (or aka: rugrats) were wanting was for me to talk about Valentine's Day (last week's lesson) and show them the video of "Love Today,"by MIKA. Well, the kids went CRAZY after I put on the video! They were slamming their desks on the floor, attempting to sing along, and some were jumping up and down. I just had to watch and hear the cacophony of their back-up vocals. At least, I half-succeeded, right?

Tomorrow, I get to work with a young man at a private lycee in Laval, something I'm looking forward to. At least I get to spend two hours in the morning tutoring in English to a person that has the maturity level of an adult and not some silly middle-schooler. After that, another class with the middle schoolers (just going to force it into a Valentine's Day lesson) and more Cosby Show fun with the high schoolers. Can you tell I'm ready for a vacation? Phew...

Happiness and Peace continue.

I'm a bit tired at this point. There are days when I really am looking forward to leaving my post as an assistant, especially when working with the middle schoolers. Unfortunately, my collaboration with the main teachers is almost non-existent, making my job further challenging as I basically write the script (curriculum) for my lessons. On top of that, I have to add dealing with sorry attitudes and behavior problems. Last week, I reported two students who were completely misbehaving in front of my eyes. I just have to say, "j'en ai marre" (I've had enough). Today, the secretary came to me with a form asking me if I wanted to renew my contract. I happily said, "no, I will not be renewing as I must return to the United States." Seven months is more than enough time with these students, particularly the four hours weekly at middle school, which require twice as much effort and energy as the 8 hours I have at the high school. Fortunately, I get to benefit from the two-week vacations that happen once every 6-8 weeks. One more week to endure before that, though.

Today, the middle schoolers seemed to enjoy talking about Valentine's Day and making valentines. Some of the boys were giving me their valentines at the end. Apparently, I am a role model for them. Rather flattered by this gesture. Some of them even say I'm like a "god" to them, not that I approve of this status. Still, it makes me happy to be liked by the vast majority of the middle schoolers I see. That's not to say they're all angels; certainly not true. Still, I find it cute when they suck up to me, even when I reject their offers of assistance, etc.

Brown on my mind continues to move me to have even greater confidence and to push farther with my courses. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing where I'm going to be for the next six years. It's very reassuring to know that. I feel even happier in front of my high school students. I haven't told all of them my news yet as they were practicing for the Baccaluareat test this entire week. I'm looking forward to telling them about it and encouraging them to reach for their dreams. This would be especially good for the seniors. I'll see what I can do for them next week that is encouraging, easy, and relaxing after their week of testing.

Tomorrow, I have a three-hour rehearsal much to my chagrin. It will be with all the orchestras of the Mayenne and will hopefully be bearable enough to deal with. It's really nothing in comparison with the slave labor that was "West Side Story" last year. Did I mention that the orchestra for that play did not get one cent of compensation from the hours of involuntary work it was? I guess not, and I won't go into a tirade about it. Rachel V. knows what I'm talking about. Another week at the Reformed church.

And then, next week, I have a little job: I'm going to tutor a young man in conversational English on Thursday morning. He has been looking for an American teacher for a year now, since he began studies with an American teacher who left (unsurprisingly, as the Mayenne is not the most attractive place for young Americans who long for something besides country towns). Should be fun and will give me yet something else to add to my resume.

Feeling Blessed Beyond Measure

I cannot begin to describe what this experience in France has meant to me, but I know it's been one of the most enriching experiences and defining moments of my life. My father has often preached about such "defining moments," and I borrow his term for this entry. The Lord has paved the way for each and every aspect of this journey, and I have been merely an instrument that he has been able to use whether in teaching, playing music, or simply encouraging others around me. That has brought about so much confidence and happiness that I had never really seen before. It makes me smile even more than I used to. I get up, I go to work, and I continue to accept the things that the Lord calls me to do. I may not be completely happy all the time. I may be frustrated and even a little angry at times, but I have learned to go with the flow and take things as they come without complaining, arguing, or being filled with angst. I think the Lord has given me a new level of maturity in handling complex situations that I will be able to carry with me for the rest of my life. It's encouraging, seeing I can make a home here in France for seven months and do it with such ease and in a seamless way. All I can say is that has to be the Lord's grace that is continuing to work within my life. It's not something I earned, not even something I deserve. It's just because the Lord loves me and continues to bless me. Such a beautiful thing. And the thing is, I'm learning to trust the Lord in all things, even in the difficult situations. The God who overcame death itself: I can fully trust him to carry out a plan that for me, is a puzzle, but something that will be worked out during my time on earth.


My acceptance to Brown brings a new and different smile to my face. The Lord has clearly made the way for me to pursue doctoral studies for the next 5-6 years in Providence, Rhode Island. It's a blessing, but it is also a little intrepid for me too. This will be a new adventure into a world I long to be part of in academia. It's my calling, my Big C calling for my Covenant friends. That's serious business, but I'm not worried. I'm putting everything I've got into it and I'm going to relish every minute of my time there. It may be tough at times. There may be times where I may not want to continue. No matter. I've persevered through many things, some things I've not cared to mention, including something I continue to battle and treat with medicine. I'm not going to let that stop me from reaching my aspirations. The Lord has blessed me with an ability to overcome and conquer the seemingly impossible. But nothing is impossible with the Lord. Nothing. He is the almighty and everlasting. He will do what he wills.

I'm excited about these prospects for the new year. In August, I will pick up and move my belongings to Providence, Rhode Island, where I will reside for several years at Brown University. God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good. Yes to the reciprocity of that statement.

ACCEPTED to Brown

It's funny how things work out. Just as I was writing the previous post about waiting, I got an email in my secondary Gmail inbox with the decision in hand from Brown. I was literally shaking as I opened up the message. My heart was probably going at least 120 beats a minute. I could hardly look and there, I saw the acceptance letter gleaming in the light of my room. I was ecstatic, wanting to jump up and down and scream like a girl (for once).

I got in, I got in! My school of choice! Praise God for a tremendous blessing. Full funding with complete tuition remission, a generous stipend for living expenses and a health insurance premium, coverage for 5 years. But the program will likely last for six years, the last year funded by a dissertation fellowship.

Awesome.

And the waiting persists...

Teaching about American Folk Music has been wonderful. It's been, by far, my most successful lesson spread out over two weeks. The students have appreciated my fiddle-playing and have been very vocal about it, too. At the moment, I'm trying to decide what may be best to do next with the high schoolers. I had proposed to the 1eres on Monday morning (the ones that are hard to get attentive) a rap activity. As of yet, I haven't thought too much about what that will involve. However, it may be worth looking into. The terminale students may need something more difficult and challenging. I almost think that doing cartoons with them and helping them practice for the BAC test at the end may be good to do. Of course, they would object to doing this right after having an interesting two weeks of American folk/country music. I'll keep thinking this over...

The 5eme (7th graders) are great. They're a little more mature than the sixth graders but talk a lot. They do, however, listen rather than blurting out random things. That's reassuring. These past two weeks have been introductory and as such, I haven't prepared much. However, I will have to start thinking about their lessons this evening.

Now to the waiting part of this. I received an email from Brown shortly after asking them about their program, which hinted something about my application for their French Studies PhD program. ?The Director of Graduate Studies (DGS) said in one line, "I hope to have some good news for you soon." Yes! The DGS at Brown always has had such a positive, upbeat response to my inquiries and seems to show interest in me as a candidate. That is incredibly reassuring in a process that is often cut-throat as I can tell at other schools (namely, Columbia, Harvard, Yale, Princeton). This DGS has encouraged me through the process, seeming to indicate that Brown is a good fit. It is, in fact, my school of choice. So, here I am, hoping that I get in to Brown. Somehow, I feel confident about it. One of my friends on facebook indicated to me about the email, "it means you're a top candidate and they're trying to narrow down their applicant pool to see if you're one of THE top candidates." Excited, nervous, mixture of the two. I should be finding something out within the next week or so. Anytime, actually.

I let it all hang out. (Je me lâche)

Of course, I don't say things like this everyday. However, I feel that France has taught me something about relaxing and not being anxious or worrying about things. I used to be such a worrier, who dreaded to go to school. This was especially the case in high school when I was socially insecure like every other guy or girl going through the end of adolescence. I feel that for my sanity and health, I need to relax and get out in order to escape from my otherwise constant introversion. I'm finding time to relax even at school these days, for which I can truly thank the Lord. Even as I teach, the self-consciousness of yesterday seems to disappear in the mist that covers the atmosphere over Mayenne. It's a blessing and also an answer to prayer. I think I would have had a heart attack or some other grave health condition if I didn't acquire an ability to relax. Now, I find myself having to calm myself down as I wait for my admissions decisions. It's difficult as I'm dealing with impatience I've taken from probably my father as well as the inability to think about anything else except when I'll find out. Soon it will come, however, and the sooner I try to forget about it, the sooner it will be here.

This week has been rather easy for me by God's grace. I planned my lesson around American folk music, and globally it has been a success for each class that I have had. The students look on to my fiddle-playing with interest and want to ask more questions about Irish American music in the Deep South. I have been able to effortlessly teach about fiddle tunes, Irish dancing, and drinking parties. It's been a blast. And next week, I get to talk about country music to extend the topic to country stars like Dolly Parton and Hank Williams. My heritage at work!

On Thursday of this week, I was introduced to my new students at the middle school. In fact, they are very sweet and kind, albeit talkative. However, their behavior is less of a problem than their level of talking. Thankfully, I can handle these guys a little better. And I actually started my first lesson with teaching as well as an introduction. I'm going to make my middle school course into a conversational class, where the students will learn the practical aspects of simple conversation. That should work well with these kids.

The weekend is finally here and three weeks remain before the vacation. The plan is to be economical and save for the trip to Berlin. Meanwhile, the wait on graduate school continues. Yet,I have high hopes for getting into the right school, whichever God freely chooses for me. How's that for the converted Calvinist?