Almost flying off the handle

The first week back from any extended break is extremely difficult and I tried to make it as bearable as possible. Recalling what I've heard in the past, it seems that the habits that you form in two weeks are either lost or gained. My discipline and any sense of being able to control the situation at hand has seemed to walk right out the back door. Fortunately, I have been able to handle things well with the high schoolers. As for the middle schoolers, it's a total other story...

With the high schoolers, I decided to come up with something easy without the need for extensive preparation. So, I talked about reality TV shows with them. We watched clips of Survivor and Big Brother, which were both entertaining and engaging. Then again, almost every student in the class told me that France has its own equivalent of the show. Looking at these shows, I can't help but feel ashamed of my culture that rejoices in such debauchery and depravity of human character. I was thinking this morning before having lunch how much I hated watching soap operas and reality TV shows, because they expose the most base of human instincts as well as their animalistic and Darwinistic struggle for survival in a dog-eat-dog world. Yet, people enjoy watching them, because they're entertaining and get high ratings. Although, to some extent, maybe they show life the way it really is. Even though these game shows are staged and rehearsed, reality TV does expose an aspect of reality, the way it is mired in human sin, a reality we have to face everyday.

My classes with the middle-schoolers were less philosophical and interesting, but the behavior was just plain awful. I ended up noting the names of students who were squirming in their seat, moving around, throwing shreds of paper on the ground. The list goes on and on. It was incredibly frustrating and got even worse today. My first class this afternoon, I ended up literally screaming at a boy who touched another boy to cause him to almost fall on the ground in his chair. I think my patience completely boiled over and I cracked. Everyone around me was talking and carrying on, and suddenly the flood of negative emotions exploded and I yelled and demanded this boy's carnet. Silence. I don't really get it. What in the name of heaven do I need to do to get middle-schoolers to listen to me?! Do I have to explode under pressure and show them that I mean no funny business? I don't know. But my middle school days seem to be getting bleaker and bleaker, and I have no choice but to ask and see if I can make other arrangements with the classes. I've almost had it with being alone and inexperienced and expected to do a meaningful lesson with 14 hormone-crazy middle-schoolers. It's too grandiose of an expectation. I need to work directly with a teacher and do a lesson WITH the teacher. That's exactly what I wanted at the beginning; it's what I expected to be doing, me, without a degree in teaching middle school or what have you. Here I am sitting here with a hoarse voice and splitting headache, tired of a rough second half of the week and hoping and praying things will get better next week.